I Am Gatsby

(photo c/o Warner Brothers Entertainment)

I am real.
This green light I reach for
It is knowing
How close, yet so far
That I cannot touch,
Or could hope to
Hold you
One more time.
Lost in time
Is my memory,
Scenes and flashes of
Dances, winks and tongue
Like pearls between my fingers,
You slipped across the bay,
Becoming one with the raindrop mirrors
Staring back with alternating vision.
Eyeglasses are my curse.
I am not God.
I do not see all.
Part of me struggles to leave
This damned garage once and for all
Driving my destiny towards
Your car, and we collide
In a bloody crossroads
Divined only by our own
Hesitation marks.

No Answer, Though Silence Is Kind

Late last night I went walking
Down the street of fire
I wandered past house after house
Until I stopped at one
With all the lights out.
The beacon of darkness
Yes, to that I was drawn,
Where smoke and flames hadn’t touched
This dreamlike front porch.
As I stepped up, quietly,
It occurred to strike in my brain
Hadn’t it taken me years to find it?
I let out a scream-
The doorknob had burned my hand.
I wasn’t allowed to enter
Didn’t want to let me in
I pleaded and begged the spirits hovering
To grant me one more try
No answer, though silence is kind
I was stirred once more to knock
and the door opened,
Shaking like dust in fleas.
I went to step in but was pushed back
The door shut in my face.
I felt a breeze caressing my cheek
As if to say,
“You’re right and it’s okay…
Something is still alive within,
But now is not the time.”
Walking back down,
I blew a kiss to the wind
Promising someday that I’d come back
To try the door again
As I traveled back upon
The street of fire
I regained the scars that I’d lost

Dry skin made of flesh and tinder
Once ignited, now barely healed.
I’ll wait to be pitied by the sun
Then earn my way back in.

If the Devil Live, Let Love Be Sin

Darkness falls across my brain
and the thought of going insane
Preys along, creeping wide
Its fingers beckon inside
Like a dog to a treat,
Anticipation rolling sweet
Words on my tongue,
Songs my heart once sung
and a light flickers within.
I said, “If the Devil live,
“An evil past to him I give
“and renew me now this life
“Or else continue the strife
“Of heart a-meltin’, of bells a-ringin’,
“and let me die here singin’
“Love songs to him I adore
“Whom I’d see, nevermore.
“Though you know I’d rather be
“With this man I actually see.”
Exhaled, I forced a grin.
The Devil, though he did wink,
Waved his hands and in a blink
Did nothing, my heart still beat
and I hadn’t moved from my seat
But I was awake and I did know
Which direction I needed to go,
So off I ran, down the beaten road
This dirt path the old man showed
In a dream from long ago
Before awaking and let time begin.
But before I left the feeble door
The jester came whose eyes were sore
and played again a tired charade
Until he turned his back and stayed
In the past, and only a friend
Though ghost he’ll be in the end
I didn’t think I’d ever say
That common sense ruled the day
O’er romanticized sentiment
and unanswered letters sent,

Spinster life has worn thin.
There I stood in the yard
Holding tight a wistful card
and watched it crumble on the grass
Ashes to ashes, the irony crass
As “next year” had died in me
and laid its bones away to be
The only thing to hold me back
From getting this life on track.
A sad fact to behold again,
I’d always wished many times I’d been
Smarter than a dumb tuna in tin.
Fate had willed my phone to ring,
What voice could love and fortune bring?
But the sun to rise and day to fall
and what a time for him to call.
Thoughts, new smiles, laughter abound
and from what sight, from what sound!
Dare I say it’s here at last,
Even though I’d fall too fast,
Dare I try to let it show?
But if returned, I hope to know
If the Devil live, let love be sin.

XXXXXXX

Sara Megan Kay is a writer and poet who lives in the central Oregon coast.  She has a deep love for the poets, the stars, and the mad ones of yesterday and today.
Meta (FB/Oculus/IG)/Twitter/YouTube handle: @smackwriter
blog: https://smackwriter.wordpress.com/